Question 1

What is the difference between Secure and Anxious?

Accepted Answer

Both want closeness — that's not what separates them. The secure pattern trusts that closeness will be there; the anxious pattern monitors constantly for signs it's being withdrawn. Same desire, different baseline assumption about whether it's safe.

Question 2

How do I know if I mean Secure Attachment rather than Anxious?

Accepted Answer

Readers who land here meaning Secure Attachment rather than Anxious are usually searching for phrases like “what is a secure attachment style”, “being comfortable with closeness and space”, “how do I know if my attachment is secure”.

Aspect	Secure	Anxious
Baseline belief	Support is there	Support may vanish
At separation	Distress, then settles	Distress, hard to settle
On reunion	Comforted, returns to play	Clings and resists at once
Attention goes to	The world	The relationship

Side by side

Which one did you mean?

Secure Attachment

Read either one in full