Cookie Jarring
- “being kept as a backup option”
- “he keeps me around while chasing someone else”
- “the word for being someone's second choice”
- “am I a backup plan”
01 · Side by side
Side by side
Comparison sheet
| Aspect | Cookie jarring | Benching |
|---|---|---|
| Emphasis | Stored as a spare | Kept on the sidelines |
| Is there a preferred person? | Yes, specifically | Not necessarily |
| Newer term | ~2019 | Mid-2010s |
| In practice | Interchangeable | Interchangeable |
02 · Which one you meant
Which one did you mean?
In shortReaders who land here meaning Cookie Jarring rather than Benching are usually searching for phrases like “being kept as a backup option”, “he keeps me around while chasing someone else”, “the word for being someone's second choice”.
Benching
- “he keeps me interested but never actually asks me out”
- “someone treats me like a backup option while dating other people”
- “why do they text me but never make real plans”
- “the word for being kept on the sidelines in dating”
03 · Which came first
Which came first
In shortBenching. 2016 — Coined by Jason Chen in New York magazine's The Cut, applying the sports term to a not-quite-relationship.
- 2016
Benching. Coined by Jason Chen in New York magazine's The Cut, applying the sports term to a not-quite-relationship.
- around 2019
Cookie Jarring. Enters circulation via UK dating journalism, already fully formed. No coiner is named in any of the coverage.
04 · Read either one